What is Discernment Counseling?

For couples considering divorce or break-up?

Discernment Counseling helps provide answers.

Gain confidence and clarity about the future of your relationship through this short-term decision-making process. 

By better understanding Discernment Counseling, you will be more equipped to begin the process and gain the most out of your experience.

Discernment counseling is for couples who aren’t sure if they want to try couples counseling or if they are ready to just end the relationship. Sometimes these couples have tried couples counseling in the past and found it ineffective, or they think counseling won’t help, but they are not certain enough to end the relationship that has such high stakes. At the end of discernment counseling you will have greater clarity about if you want to fully commit to the process of couples counseling or if you want to continue toward separation and divorce.

Discernment counseling is a smart option for you and your spouse before you make a final decision about separation or divorce. For example, if one of you wants to preserve and fix the marriage and the other is leaning more towards ending it, discernment counseling is a good option. This kind of couple with different agendas is common among couples approaching divorce, and there are certainly not enough specialized services for them.

How does Discernment Counseling differ from Couples Counseling?

 Couples counseling is based on the premise that the couple is ready and willing to work on the relationship, identify and address underlying problems, and adopt changes to see desired improvements.

 Discernment Counseling, on the other hand, is a short-term process to help the couple determine whether or not they even want to work to improve the marriage. Simply put, it is for couples where one or both partners are not sure they even want to stay together.

 In many respects, it looks similar to traditional couple therapy; you work with a therapist, you are protected by the same privacy rules, you meet as a couple (rather than individually). The key difference is that you are deciding what to do with the marriage, rather than committing to improving the marriage.

Why is Discernment Counseling Useful?

Discernment counseling is helpful for couples because it lays out a structured path during a confusing and emotional time. A discernment counselor will create a safe container for the couple to speak openly about where their marriage is at. This space is free from the opinions of friends and family, from work colleagues and church acquaintances, and offers couples a chance to fully explore the choices available to them. During this time, each partner will begin to understand the core issues present in the relationship and the ways in which they contribute to them.

In discernment counseling, both partners are offered the time and space to understand their own and their partner’s perspective. If a couple does choose to proceed with couples therapy, most likely they will already have discovered some of their core conflicts and will be able to use their discernment sessions as a foundation upon which to build.

Regardless of whether you are leaning towards divorce or believe your marriage is worth saving, discernment counseling is a great opportunity to clearly understand your options and make the best decision for both you and your partner.

Book an appointment to schedule your consultation.